My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
