She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
