we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
