Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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