he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
