We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
