i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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