you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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