u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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