rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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