I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
