dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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