she looked like the bat from fern gully.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
