Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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