First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
