Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
