it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
