He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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