My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
