apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
