My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
