Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
