ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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