I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
