Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
whose ass print is on the piano?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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