Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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