I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
