found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
