How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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