U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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