why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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