there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
