I will die if light touches me.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
