My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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