The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm too high and old for this...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
