we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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