for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
