how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize