I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
