Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
