I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My ass is underappreciated
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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