would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
