No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
