I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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