So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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