I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize