I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
