There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
