I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
