Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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