i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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