We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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