God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm sobbing to NWA
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