so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
