when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
