She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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