so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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