They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
