..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize