I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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