i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
