Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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