Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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