why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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