I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
