to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
